I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Couch. On fire.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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