then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
