Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
