gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
