Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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