She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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