I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
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