well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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