dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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