i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
