I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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