You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I could fuck to npr.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
