woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
handjob tips. give me some.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
