I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
