I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Mom said you looked used
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
