just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
