Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
