There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
