The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
