i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
