Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
