You really coming over, don't trick.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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