I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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