I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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