did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize