someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize