this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
