chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
