2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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