I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We had sex on a dog bed..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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