I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm really busy with my period
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