He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
