I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
