i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
