a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
