you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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