i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
