sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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