Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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