I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
