I'm really into asian looking animals
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
