I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize