Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
