it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
