My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
