We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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