The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
