homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize