just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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