Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
