I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
