I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
