I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
