You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
