there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
