know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
