A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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