I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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