I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
