I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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