ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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