i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
