i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
