Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
