Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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