When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Holy shit dude........stairs
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
