apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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